Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
