and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
