meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
