so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
