i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
