I wish my penis had an off switch
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
