Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
