I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
