Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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