I wish my penis had an off switch
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
