listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
whose parrot is this?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
