She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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