Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
