the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
