I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
