We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
