dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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