I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
