i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
