Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
