This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
