i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
