I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
