I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
