I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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