these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
