So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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