if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
