You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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