my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
