It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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