i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
