I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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