There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
