I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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