i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
