shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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