i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
