yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
