I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
