my mouth tastes like poor choices
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
