Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
