Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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