Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
