i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
