Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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