onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
