Screwed.edu
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
