I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
