im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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