i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
