The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
